Officially shifted all my crap to Wordpress

if ya don't know the address, click on this. i know it's a trouble but relink me people!! thank you!

on to a new chapter, but the past shall remain for it is for them that i am what i am today.

nice one dennis

your laptop is screwed up and now you washed your mp3 player in the washing machine together with your berms.

Happy Birthday Zhenyan! Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Happy Children's Day!

3 reasons to be happy! though i'm not a child anymore but i still remember as a kid i used to look forward to children's day when teachers would give us sweets and little gifts and i would finish them all at once! though not a muslim i wish all muslims a Selamat Hari Raya Adilfiltri!

i only celebrated the first reason to be happy! which is Zhenyan's 18th birthday! We went to New York New York to have our dinner. the food was well.... average. i guess american food ain't really supposed to be impressive. but american food are suppose to be huge! which doesn't really coincide with the amount they serve at NYNY. i had fish and chips. it tasted kinda fishy and i didn't like it. i would of course prefer the ones from Fish and Co. It was nice seeing old friends gathering again although it's always these few people coming together, perhaps the next time we gather we should get more people. but this really is a bad time with the JC students preparing for the As. After the As! We'll have a full-fledged gathering definitely!

The Birthday Girl!


And if anybody noticed, there's a extra link here. i've started using wordpress. but i take about 2 weeks as probation period then u'll see whether i decide to use it or not. hahaha!

finally. end of F1.

if anyone wanted to know. the panadol worked yesterday! fortunately.

the first day of F1 was seriously i think the worst day of them all. i couldn't sleep the night before and during about 8pm i felt a little dizzy. everything and everyone were just spinning around me as i stood still for a few seconds somewhere in the room out of the way of anyone but then i knew i had to move. i was in a complete state of blur-ness. i hate that kind of feeling of being able to process everything that is going on around u properly. especially in the middle of work, because it spells disasters. perhaps it was fatigue, it made me wonder how everyone was moving, how they were feeling and what they were thinking because at that moment i couldn't understanding how i was feeling so tired and faint. but fortunately i managed to pull through with that blur-ness for the rest of the night. u could have called me a walking zombie. i was plain following instructions from my guests, my captains and fellow staff during that period of time. i worked OT though i was really really tired because winnie and chris were so motivated to continue working. and i felt bad for not leaving early with daphne because she was the only one who was not doing OT. sorry!!!!!

after 5 hours lying in bed, time to go to work again. i decided the second day i would not stay for overtime. in the end i still stayed. know why? not because i wanted to stay. because they forgot to inform me to leave the place! in the end i blur blur continue working until 10.30pm when i was suppose to stop at 9pm. then well... i guess i didn't have any choice so i continued. but it wasn't as bad as the first day because i was able to get some rest the last night but still, i woke up feeling sick but it got better as the day progressed.

day three. the previous post was published in the morning of the day itself. but it wasn't that bad. i must say i was elated when people started leaving the premises after the f1 race ended! only some people stayed to socialise and watch the after-race interview with the racers. took a cab home after work and got a can of beer to drink on the way home for a mini mini celebration.

friends i made through this event! jeremiah! winnie and chris! our captain: juliana! Aik Boon, from meritus mandarin banquet. and a couple of people from RP although i only have one of their contacts. hahahaha! i guess i'm not a very sociable person eh?

well. finally it's over. 3 nights of aching soles and walking like a noob because of that.

today is hell

cold sweat, headache, leg hurts, flu, 10 hours of sleep in 2 days and one more day (18 hours) to go. fuck it. i'm dead.

save me panadol.

5.41am

i think i'm STILL trying to get out of the night watcher life. i'm sleeping in the day and super active at night. i'm nocturnal. dammit. i think i should really force myself awake in the day and force sleep myself at night. KAYHOWE GIVE ME SOME OF UR SLEEPING AIDS!!! I NEED THEM!! damn i'm just afraid i'll be tired for the rest of the day. today's the F1 job!!! argh. wish me luck!

anyways, bert's suggesting i switch over to wordpress. i created one already but haven really start on it. but i bet u can guess the url of the blog. still considering whether to switch over, i guess i'll decide by the end of next week.

i woke up

time is 5.43am and i'm already awake. i wish i could go back to sleep. but i can't. i woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep after that. i think i went to bed at 1am last night. that means i only bloody slept 3 hours!! wtf? i don't understand why i cant get to sleep!! damn. anyway, i'm going lavendar in the afternoon today to collect my pay 350 bucks for 7 sleepless nights and sleepy daylights. i'm gonna go get my speakers!! muahaha! finally. no more buzzing speakers! no more stupid laptop lousy sound! hahaha! i'm freakin bored, i think i'll go play some games or something, maybe i'll get tired after playing for awhile. i spent too much recently as always. last night went buffet. damn.. 29 dollars. argh. i'm gonna find 1 more job after F1! probably an event job to make somemore money. next semester is going to be fucking expensive. i'm going out of the country with alvin, andrew and ngiafung at the end of the year too. they blamed me for not going with them last year to HK. hahaha! sorrry lah had no money. hahaha!

i think i'm gonna have to beg them to go somewhere cheaper. hahaha!

i wish it would rain

i wish it would rain heavy
a thunderstorm would be nice
the deafening rages of the sky
drowning my ears in a vacuum
stealthing me
i'm there but you will not see me
the rain is my barrier
within it is my freedom
you are there but i will not see you
the rain blinds me
and it is your freedom
please rain....

3rd night at work

today don came to accompany me, he gave me some moon tarts which taste really good. it would have cost 80 dollars if it was bought during the moon cake festival season at his booth at novena square. and i got it for free!! well.. but today something unlucky happened too. i held a mouthful of spoilt nutrisoy in my mouth for 10 seconds. don helped me look after the place while i went to pee and get some drinks, i decided i should get some soya bean milk, so i bought the usual reduced sugar nutrisoy. i only drank it after i reached the event place, the first mouth i took, wtf. the texture of the liquid felt freakin disgusting. slimy, thick and and a little granulated. i ran to look for a dustbin to spit it out. i poured some of the liquid on some of the soil nearby, tmd. the liquid came out in blobs! wtf. i went back to change for another carton. ddammit, i'm not going to buy nutrisoy anymore. tmd tmd tmd. fucking fucking fucking disgusting.

then it came to my mind, i walked past a puddle of white liquid and a you tiao on the ground. and what goes well with you tiao? soya bean milk. so why pour it on the ground? because it's not fit for drinking.

A fairytail.

when the pain is gone
longingness is all that remains
staring out by the window
into the boundless fields

beyond her eyes
a tiny silhouette upon the skyline
closer and closer
louder and louder

clad in polished armour
and a handsome horse
he asks for her hand
she blushes and looks away

the poor farmer looks on
his browned clothes of open windows
and his good ol' loyal donkey
whimpers as if understanding his tears

beyond his eyes
a blurred fairytail movie
where the girl
finally rides off with her prince
to a happy ending

disappearing slowly into the distance
aggravating his pain
then gone
no movie nor pain

when the pain is gone
longingness is all that remains
staring out by the window
into the boundless fields

2nd night of work (now)

i'm on my laptop sitting in on a stage in the middle of a small clearing at bedok interchange. cool eh, everyone who walks past will be looking at ya. sense the sarcasm? been playing warcraft for the past few hours since like 12am? this place is totally empty except for afew people who drop by to patronise the ATMs nearby. stupid job. no toilet breaks, alone. somehow i don really feel afraid here at all. oh yeah, i didn't mention yesterday some malay boys walked by and they kept calling me uncle. like 5 times in 1 minute; the time which they passed by me. i believe i don't look that old. uncles normally are 30+ right? i'm only 18!! dammit.

i hate this love.

first night of work

it's a stupid job. people told me to reject it but i didn't listen, i went with it. well. it really is stupid and i better shit before i go to work tonight. i am night watcher dennis and i guard event equipments. 50 dollars for a night. i think i'm damn stupid. i have to endure for another 7 days. it's really bloody boring. i'm bring my laptop tonight, i hope there's an internet connection there if not i really gonna die. i finally finished 'A thousand splendid suns' by khaled hosseini which i borrowed from albert. finally i can return the book to him, hahaha! lucky for me, last night kayhowe came with supper! wanton mee and carrot cake! AND................. JOLLY SHANDY!!! and mentos and bread. hahaha! he was with me for around 3 or 4 hours i think, hell. after he left i was just reading my book, cheonging like siao. never cheonged a book until so heong before. after i finished the book i listened to my mp3 and walked around. seriously, i felt like a fool.

Hold me till the morning comes - Paul Anka and Peter Cetera

I know y'all probably hate my songs because they're old, but listen to this one! REALLY nice, never bluff sia! hahaha! Peter Cetera is the guy who used to be the lead singer of Chicago.. if u don't know Chicago is a band, and they were really good.

here are the lyrics!

Two broken hearts
Neither one knows what to say
Both falling for love
But not quite all the way

Look at us now
Reaching back to yesterday
Longing to know
If they are the ones to stay

After all I'm the one who said we're through
Now I can't live without anymore
Out there lost is the dream that can't come true
Is it worth the reaching for
Don't you want me anymore, darling

Hold me till the morning comes
Until I see your smile
Take all the sadness from your eyes
Hold me till the morning sun
Let me stay we've just begun

oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh

Where shall we start
Tender words that we can share
Different believes
In time we will get there

Look at us now
Wanting more than words can say
Both falling for love
But distant all the way

Out there lost are the words I still love you
But they worth the reaching for
Do you love me anymore, darling

(chorus)

Hold me till the morning comes
Until I see your smile
Take all the sadness from your eyes
Hold me till the morning sun
Let me stay we've just begun
I wanna stay with you

(instrumental)

(chorus)

Would you love me in the morning
We used to be there in the morning
Would you leave without a warning
Say you love me too

falling short

fixing his eyes on the moon
intently and planning his course
a lion stalking its prey under the crimson Sun
laying low and readying its razor sharp claws

his heart was dreaming of the stars;
the glory which awaits beyond the blanket of darkness
starving and salivating
the feast of raw bloody venison

fear of gravity
fear of death
loss of the lion's pride
starvation

through the air at the speed of sound
losing speed rapidly
a meeting of eyes
bodes an omen for failure

not fast enough
not light enough
too hungry
too tired

how near the moon seemed
minutes of pure falling
eating dust
and a desperate roar

jumping off the clouds
off to where he started
never a tiny hare looked so tempting
a tiny prey to keep him alive

where are the stars now?
what happened to more than survival?

oh fuck......

i've been on sneezing frenzies today. u know how i sneeze, i always hold back my sneezes and pinch my nose before it happens. because personally i don like sneezes which are excessively loud. during the recent few frenzies i felt an internal pain in my neck after each sneeze which would paralyze me for about 4 seconds. it ain't a sharp pain, it's those kinda pain which you would start spewing vulgarities but u can't move the affected part for a moment because it bloody hurts. but there's really nothing wrong with my neck. i don't know whether it's because of the way i sneeze. dammit, please don't let me sneeze again!!!!

longingness

my body is deep and hollow
talk is appreciated and much wanted
falling short
a feeling of incomplete overwhelms
and i know i need your presence

my love is strong but falters around its own existance
is it what it is?
nevertheless unwanted and obsolete
leave me
let us be like friends

my heart revolves around yours
quickly but with uncertain velocity
it has to cease;
a mindful choice indeed
but will the heart permit?

wait.

the decision to wait
whether willingly or unwillingly,
whether a lack of direction or the lack of courage to choose,
they are indications of an uncertain man
then, how does he know when to stop?

boring holidays

till something interesting happens in my life, there won't be much to blog about, recently i've just been guitaring and playing private server maplestory thats all. hahaha!

relax

i think i can make it through.

glad

everything's back to how they were before, and i'm contented. now its just keeping it this way

what i comprehend

lost loves are always heartbreaking
but rejoice for you have been released
from an emotion disguised as love
if this world has never told you;
you deserve much better
but love has never met a man or woman
who heard nothing of bitterness
take a deep breath
and breathe out your unspeakable-s
hard it seems but impossible it is not
dry your eyes and carry your broken heart
have faith it will all be better
because it will


for you.

drinking

drinking alcohol is kinda nice. i went out with a couple of buddies from primary school today. it's such a blessing to have them with me after so long. i had a drink with ngia fung after we dispersed because we lived just a block away from each other. we sat at the playground and drink and simply talked. it's kinda nice. when you feel dizzy, you just talk about whatever you like. i'm not drunk but i'm just feel that being dizzy makes the un-courageous more courageous about sensitive matters. and thats kinda nice, talking about those matters close to the heart which normally is a taboo. i feel dizzy now but kinda great. not really great but... i'm okay. hahaha!

nike human run

just came back from helping out at the nike human run as a road marshal. the job was easy. only stood there and stoned at the running participants. i was stationed at the row of restaurants at boat quay. i didn't have to keep the public at the side because of the sheer number of participants charging down the street. at the end of day went to collect the 15 dollars as allowance.

it's time to find a job soon, probably i'll just rest for one more week. hahaha! maybe. i'll see. it's time to pay my mother for the chalet too. i'll do it later. then the rest of the uncollected money will go back in my deprived bank account.

perhaps

a shooting star dashes across the night sky
disappears into a space invisible
such a quiet ending for a glorious entry

with no trace of where you landed....

how will i find you....

perhaps......

if i wait long enough...

you'll show yourself again....

holidays

so the last paper ended today. it wasn't great. i went out of the exam hall 40 minutes early, i think i gave up too early, maybe if i stayed for awhile more i could've thought of stuff to write. maybe. hahaha!

the rest of the day wasn't great either. i think i pissed someone off. maybe i'm being oversensitive but.... i'm really sorry if i made anyone unhappy. i was suppose to go steamboat with 1h07 today but i really wasn't hungry because i had eaten a very heavy lunch after the paper. asking me to go eat steamboat would really be a waste of money because i really could not contain anymore food. i didn't have anything for dinner either, except if you consider a carton of milk dinner. i was in the mood for something to make me drowsy alittle but i stopped infront of the fridge at 7 eleven and thought for a moment, i decided to settle for milk instead since i've been drinking recently.

i went to buy guitar strings then went to join the rest at the steamboat restaurant at bugis. i couldn't get my strings because all the places i went, they were closed by the time i reached there. i walked for very long time, from the aljunied mrt station to the warehouse and back. i went to city hall to peninsula plaza but all the shops were already closed by then. i walked to esplanade for hope of finding the maestro@esplanade shop open but it was closed, so i took a bus to bugis from the bus stop infront of esplanade and join the rest. i lost my way, i forgot how to get to the steamboat restaurant. walked for quite awhile before i realised i was walking in the wrong area of bugis and i should've gone the opposite direction. it felt great; walking around alone. it really felt good at that moment. tried clearing out some complications in my head but to avail. but its okay, at least i wasted afew hours. perhaps another reason i didn't want to join them was because i wanted to be left alone for awhile and i know it would surely be lively and cheery around the 1h07 gang and i would definitely be the quietest and i don't want to be the only one being screwed up and all. after joining them, as expected, i couldn't fuse myself into their conversations. i was too tired i guess. hahaha.

books to my left, coffee to my right
you in mind and TTO nowhere in sight
where? dunno leh. hahaha!

damn.

Glory of Love

Tonight it's very clear
Cause we're both lying here
There's so many things I wanna say
I will always love you
I will never leave you alone
Sometimes I just forget, say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't want to lose you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

You keep me standing tall
You help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

It's like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of
We're gonna live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

We live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love...

is there really glory in love? ha.............

nice song nonetheless.

THE CLOCK IS TICKING!!

I STILL GOT A LOT A LOT OF SHIT TO COVER!!! CHEONG

die.

and stay down.

what a dream..... in your dreams dennis!

damn i dreamt i got my accounting paper and it was upon 55 and i got 51.5 marks! wtf, hahaha!

late... in the morning?

3.38am and i'm wide awake! not sleepy!! thanks to the nap i took just now. i'm wondering whether the stuff i read just now went into my head. gonna take a risk and believe they did.

i keep burping and i can't get the feeling of the burger out of me.....

unspeakable

botak jones

i realise i have to blog about this. i'm not eating the 'u-crazy-what' burger anymore. it was a hell damn lot of meat. i gained like 0.5kg after eating it because it's suppose to be 450grams of patty. plus the fries and coleslaw.... definitely about 500 grams or more. i'm never having it again. after eating i felt like vomitting, not because it was too much but the beef really made me feel very sick. *bleagh* the beef was too wet inside and... flakey... the beef just don't stick together, it's.... like... the outer covering keeps the flakes inside after u cut it open the flakes will fall out all over the plate....

is it suppose to be like that? no idea. but i would've rather ate a couple of double cheese burgers from mac. hahaha! seriously. cheaper and won't make you wanna vomit. maybe it's just me. hhahaha!

sarah's birthday today!

happy birthday sarah! i went to pasir ris at about 12.30pm today, i thought it was at costa sands downtown east so i thought i slacked at the mac there and wait for sarah to come to help carry stuff. in the end it was pasir ris one, hahaha! the result of not paying attention to messages. i helped alittle with carrying stuff and the starting of fire. i burnt myself while wenjun(sarah's friend) was fanning the bbq furiously and i was in the way, some of the hot ash landed on my wrist. it was nothing at first so i ignored it but it's now a cute little blister.

CUTE RIGHT?!! HAHAHA!

i went to sunset bar at aranda country club for awhile, sat there with bert. we stayed only the length of 3 songs? which is about... 15 mins. he needed to leave early. i really really really wished i could stay, i didn't feel like going home. but i didn't want to be there alone. in the end, left. we finished just a jug of tiger. half each. it wasn't enough. i bought 2 tall cans from 7 eleven on the way home, they're lying in my fridge chilling. they'll be emptied and thrown in the rubbish chute later so no one would know! hahaha!

beer tastes damn good.

good day.

yup, the egg hatched, grew into a nymph, and into a full grown adult cockroach and has just been stepped dead, don't worry! die liao loh~~~ hahaha! good day.

even the smiley icons make me happy, hahaha!

look back and reminisce in the good times which have passed.

be glad there were ever such times.

be glad you were once in a little teeny weeny part of her life.

be glad to know there're still people out there who can make you fall head over heels in love.

be glad to know you can still love and there's a jungle out there if not this tree.

be glad you're alive to experience those wonderful moments which have yet to come.

be glad you did what you ever did to be who you are today.

be glad you know of the great people who surround you who shower you with love and affection.

be glad you have no worries about food and water.

be glad you were given a chance to type on this keyboard you're touching.

be glad if ever you felt pain, it's nature's way of letting you know you're alive.

be glad if you ever felt heartbrokened, because you learn.

be very glad.

the bert.

can't believe i forgot to post this. the guy who braved thick and thin with me through this 1 and half year, thanks for being a great friend for half of my poly life. i'm glad we ended in the same class after year 1. otherwise i wouldn't have known how to spend these few months. sadly,we won't be in the next class next semester. hope ya get along with ya class. and dammit, we are still buddies! no matter what y'all speak of him, he's a great friend. thanks bert!

Boston - Augustana

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.

studying day

went studying in school with jasmine and bert today. accounting all the way.

my aim is to finish accounting by friday then i can start on TTO during the weekends. i can't wait for friday, sarah's chalet! i'm gonna go chill at the sunset bar at aranda country club for awhile too. been awhile since i went. i miss the quietness and the live music, just sitting and drinking my beer. what a great feeling. sometimes, i really don't like crowds. sometimes being alone really gives me satisfaction. bert says i'm too much of a loner, i don't speak out much. not as in i don't talk much but... u know what i mean? but i think i'm alright, i just tend to be more careful with what i say and don't know what to say thus, i am quiet around strangers. and i have a lower than average EQ, i am aware that i may offend people without knowing it, if i do, please forgive me and tell me what's wrong with me. i really need to learn. i really hope i can handle my relationships with people better. then perhaps they wouldn't be so fragile and shatter upon the slightest conflicts.

it's really hard for me when i can't understand why i went wrong...

passing by

saw you today.
through a moving transparent pane
wondered where you were going
had a desire to make my presence known
but i dared not.

saw you today.
black top and khaki coloured shorts
waiting for the bus to pick you up
or was it another colour?
i can't remember.

saw you today.
slightly wet hair like you just had a bath
pretty and oblivious
rushing somewhere?
i don't know.

you know.
i always noticed that place
whenever i passed by
i saw you today.
but you didn't see me

woke up

had a dream again, hahaha! nevermind. anyways, its time to study now! accounting cheong! tomorrow must go take measurements for culinary science, i hope the weeteck garments don't make my pants too small again............

i really hope i don't screw up as much as i did in SSM next sem in culinary science, argh.

overnight k box

sunday was pu yuan birthday. alot of people of from h11 and h12 went but alot of them had to leave first. in the end was left with me, SC, hui li, jocelyn, ee ling, kelson and of course, pu yuan. this is the first time i sang so much at kbox and 3rd or 2nd time i went i think. hahaha! i didn't choose any songs, any english songs they put just dump at me only, hahaha! but it was fun. we have very good singers in our midst sia. hahaha! we had the supper buffet while singing, all the tim sum. lor mai kai, siew mai etc etc. i had a mug of tiger beer awhile the others had some other liquors mixed with soft drinks.

we sang from about 12am to 6am in the morning, i reached home about 7.30pm. cheong to bathe. then sleep until super shuang. hahahaa! imma start studying soon. but first i think i'll go continue sleeping awhile more,ahahaha!

sorry if i have ever been a let-down...

SSM

everyone's concluding on SSM, i guess so should since it's has been a memorable journey.

i still rememeber the last marketing lecture where this big angry man walked in and talked about this subject called service skills methodology. and he made it like the most scary subject in the world. the way he spoke was intimidating coupled with his size... wow... scary... i definitely wasn't looking forward to it.

my journey in ssm was..... screwed up. not the subject. but me. i committed so many redundant mistakes i can't hardly remembered. all thanks to my bad memory and carelessness. i forget too often. as a result i really made quite afew people angry with me. for that i really apologise! and a couple of people who always gave me encouragement when i needed them, you guys and girls know who y'all are. i'll mention afew of the more important people in my journey of ssm. not say the others are not important, these are just more because i worked with them etc. get what i mean? hahaha!

albert: inevitably, ya always know about my day one way or another. sometimes ya sound like you're criticising me but i know ya mean well. hahaha! somehow no matter how bad my day was, we'll laugh about them in the end, thanks dude.

kher meng: dude, u did well as headwaiter and you're a good friend, i know you believe in me but i can't. sorry for the disappointment though.

Yvonne: never fails to perk me up with her encouraging words like errr... a mother... ? a sister..? or a really good friend! hahaha! i appreciate them! THANK YOU!

Miaohong: really really sorry, i know i made ya kinda pissed off at me when ya was my captain. i felt really guilty after operations. you were great, the station would have collapsed totally without you, sorry i wasn't much of a help.

Andrea: former fellow bartender. i'm sorry i didn't help u with the coffee. i really had no idea how to make them. i know i wasn't a big help but i really tried. i think i pissed you off some time during operations, SORRY!!

Mr Goh: he's the most incredible teacher. hahaha! it's self explanatory to those who have been taught by him.



i should have done this earlier but imma blog about my unluckiest day in SSM which was 2nd last week as bartender. i was reminded of it by bert just now when we went sakura to have our dinner. and he was laughing like shit over it. hahaha! what a 幸灾乐祸, hahaha! here goes.....

i was runner together with miaohong but she had to go for her PT 2. just before operations, i was changed to be bartender together with andrea. since there were only 2 allocated runners, i had to do the opening for runner before going off to help bar if not there'll be no one. till after opening runner duties, i was kinda happy because everything went quite smoothly for me.

so i finished opening it early with help with the help from Wina! so... i looked around to try find something to do. ahh...~ then i saw kelson wiping the condiments! so i thought! i can do that! so i got myself a cloth which was too large to stuff into the neck of the bottle so i went to change for another. just when i picked the first bottle with my right hand. (the cloth was in my right hand) calynn exclaimed 'AHH... YOUR CLOTH!!!!!' then the 'piang' the vinegar bottle shattered into pieces with the strong smell vinegar quickly spreading in the air causing everyone to look around to find the source of the choking smell, if not for the sound of shattering glass. i froze, miss mark saw. mr goh wasn't there, i thought it was a relief. we cleared it up rather quickly. but i was feeling really bad already. i don't know what happened to the cloth in my hand, i think i put it back onto the table. hahaha!

so bar started, i didn't get to try making coffee because there was no time, soo... i didn't really know how to make coffee at all. when we were learning mocktails, i felt trickles of water when i shook the concoction beside my face. but i didn't think it was significant so i didn't care about it. ah.... then mr goh came. i remember what he said. he picked up the shaker glass. he showed it to me. 'dennis, why is this glass chipped?' i really didn't know sooo... 'i don't know, mr goh.' 'this glass is made of tempered glass and it takes talent to chip this. and now you tell me you don't know how it happened? are you telling me this glass chipped itself? for that yall will have to work just one shaker!' with his signature tone and slammed the glass onto the metal counter. i was really innocent! i dunno how it happened, but still i bore the blame. hahaha! but in the end he returned with a new glass from the store. whew... if not we would've died.

mr goh helped make coffee during operations. he took a coffee cup and he walked towards me. i knew something was wrong. 'dennis, come, see this.' i looked. it was a chip. 'you want to use this chipped coffee cup to serve my customers?' of course i replied 'no, mr goh'. he brought the coffee cup somewhere else after that i think. i continued washing.i bore the blame again.

in the middle of operations. MR GOH DEMANDED I DO COFFEE!! AAAHHHH. when he said it, i froze totally because i never did it before. so no choice i go try. when i tried to fix the thing with the coffee powder into the coffee machine to make the coffee i didn't fix properly. then the coffee flowed out from all directions. ok.. i'm dead. 'didn't ms mark teach yall to make coffee before operations? go away! he can't make coffee. andrea, take over' so i walked back to wash stuff.

during operations i did a lot of washing. i wash wash wash. then i accidentally dropped one of the stuff onto the wine glass, and you can guess what the hell happened, wine glass BROKE. mr goh was behind me making coffee. i looked back, he didn't know but i know i surely kena more if i don't say. so i gathered up my courage. 'Mr goh, i broke a wine glass.' he gave me the 'sian-already' face. 'you chip my shaker glass, you chip my cup, you can't make coffee and now you broke my wine glass. and before operations you broke something else right? what can you do? tell what me what are you dennis?' (i guess i should've known he would've found out about the vinegar bottle sooner or later) i was damn pissed off at myself that moment. i replied 'useless' then continued doing my work. mr goh replied 'i'm starting to think that, dennis'

some after awhile during operations. he came back and he said. 'dennis, break another wine glass lah, wine glasses should come in pairs, break another one lah, make it 2 lah' at that moment i really didn't want to say anything anymore so i ignored him.

what terrible day of broken glasses. i'm glad ssm is over but somehow i will still miss it.

and i wished i knew why.....

forcing me to let go hurts more than actually telling me that i should

too much heaven - Bee Gees

Chorus:
Nobody gets too much heaven no more
Its much harder to come by
Im waiting in line
Nobody gets too much love anymore
Its as high as a mountain
And harder to climb

Oh you and me girl
Got a lot of love in store
And it flows through you
And it flows through me
And I love you so much more
Then my life..i can see beyond forever
Evrything we are will never die
Lovings such a beautiful thing
Oh you make my world.. a summer day
Are you just a dream to fade away

Chorus..

You and me girl got a highway to the sky
We can turn away from the night and day
And the tears we had to pay(u hade to cry)
Youre my life..
I can see a new tomorrow
Evrything we are will never die
Lovings such a beautiful thing
When you are to me, the light above
Made for all to see our presious love

Chorus..

Love is such a beautiful thing
You make my world a summer day
Are you just a dream to fade away

Chorus..

Nobody gets too much love anymore
Its as wide as a river and harder to cross

when i woke up, everything seemed all like a bad dream.
but the truth is, it did happen. judgement had been passed. your judgement.

he stares out the window
at the clouds which go
where the winds take them
pushed around in the sky
drifting... drifting...
helplessly
uncontrollably

no one remembers the clouds
for when it brings showers
upon the crops
and when farmers rejoice
for the rich season harvest

everyone remembers the clouds
for when it brings floods
upon the land
and farmers curse them
for the destruction of their fruits of labour

the times he hoped
people would finally
stop and look back
at him and the things he did
shake his hand and
show a bit of appreciation

the times hes hoped
what he had done
could override his errs
but no one knows and
no one remembers
because only the mistakes
are significant enough

did he bring this upon himself?
it seems so
it appears to be his fault
but no one is forgiving enough
he doesn't want to believe he deserves this
but truth stands clear infront of him
this is what he got.
this is life.
change it or move on.

corporate photo and other photos

2H12

2H12 again!

the HTM year 2 class with the most guys

the boss sia!




Finally got our corporate photos! when i showed this to my sis she said my eye brows looked fake. when i showed this to my mother she said it looked like funeral picture. ya know the one u put infront of the coffin? so i told her she can use this when i die. hahaha!

intention is the core of what people do. if no effort is made to understand a person, his intentions will be of no concern to you, and you will perceive of him whatever you deem fit. but if what is done is wrong but of an innocent nature and no effort is made by other people to understand it. then i believe, the perceiver is in a worse position than the do-er. this post is not meant to pinpoint anyone. its just general.

the controversy is: who should be the one to give in?

should the do-er be the one who changes himself and then lose the core of his personality? but what if the 'mistake' made was unintentional and uncontrollable?

should effort be made by the perceiver to understand the do-er?


in an alternative situation, if the perceiver had made the effort to try to understand the nature of the action, wouldn't a misunderstanding been avoided? had the action taken by the perceiver been too rash which might have unintentionally hurt the do-er as well? if the effort had been made before the reaction, wouldn't the perceiver have been spared of the unnecessary additional hurt?

focusing less on the perceiver. zoom in into the do-er. did he really mean what he said? or was it meant as a joke? everyone has different upbringing and socialisation plays a major part in who we are today, thus, everyone has their own unique way of expressing themselves. all we perceivers have to do is go a little further and try to understand and the world would be such a better place. but why don't we try to understand? because we are influenced by what people call the 'master status'. something simply defined as an impression which is automatically related to something/someone, good or bad. it deters us from making an accurate perception because we believe our master status is right, it stays too strong locked in our minds that we refuse to accept anything which defies it. it deters us from making an accurate impression and the do-er is misunderstood. if the master status fits the do-er perfectly and the do-er did what he did to specifically acquire a certain reaction, then i have nothing to say. but what if it only seemed like it did but in actual fact doesn't? is this doing justice to the do-er?

There is always a reason why people do things. whether it's for fun or to kill time, they are also reasons. if you don't understand the reason then how can you start judging from your own little window of vision? there will never be freedom of speech, there are too many premature perceptions made by people. but ironically, there still is; at the price of misconceptions.

in these situations, you decide. no one is perfect. not me not you. but the least we can do is try to see a perfect person in everyone. until of course if they prove to be unworthy.

i would gladly stand up for any of my friends whom i think are worth defending.

can we start over?

please allow me to make things better

Memories

the way it was seemed like a miracle, a dream of today; the way it is. they linger close to the heart but it would never be again. there are no tears, but the heart weeps quietly inside.

just like how flowers are reduced to black remains in a matter of days after they unleash their beauty to this world. when they show themselves, you reach and bask in their beauty and glory at its peak, then you are left in the vacuum called 'loneliness'. you are on your own until you find a way out. some are drown in this sea of nothing-ness but most get out of there alive. 'where'd they go?' you wonder. but sadly, you won't get an answer.

you can blind yourself in the fog called past but in the end they're just a mixture of moisture and air for a temporary measure of comfort... and inevitably the part where they left...

happy national day!

today is the 9th of August. and of course, Singapore's birthday! peiwen invited us over to her house to hangout, just have dinner together, watch the NDP together at her house. we had pasta for dinner! some unagi and some nuggets too. thank you hollow for inviting us! but i realised our geog test was on monday and i really needed to study on sunday so i could not stay over and left at about 11pm, i just reached home not long ago. i had a sudden craving for beer so i bought 2 tall cans of carlsberg from the 7 eleven near my house. i just finished one can. in a rather short time so you can explain why i feel a little dizzy now. i still have another. i'll finish it soon, then i'll go bathe and slack on the com again or probably sleep. just a moment ago, i hoped i could get drunk easily. then i wouldn't have to spend so much money. hahaha! what a stupid thought. but no fret i'm not drinking away to drown my sorrows, i'm just drinking because simply.. i was craving for it. hahaha! but it'll be better if it could retard my brain for awhile so i won't think of much stuff. hahaha! its working i guess, the 2nd can would enhance the effect.

i'm still loyal...

dream

i had a dream last night. it seemed to last so long, i couldn't help thinking whether it lasted my whole sleep time last night. you were the lead with supporting actors you probably didn't know. i had no idea why they appeared in my head but they were redundant. you were eating with them in a coffeeshop, laughing and having a great time. you didn't see me, i left.

i don't know what happened during this transition. suddenly i was walking down a pavement along a road with a row of shops about 10 metres away from me to my left. i came to a T junction where i had to cross the road. you passed me. a glance which lasted a split second, as if strangers. the familiar frown on your face which i saw a long time ago and hadn't seen in months. just passed. i continued walking, my head was a mess i decided to take a walk in the park all by myself. but i don't know why i ended up in stairwell of a hawker centre. everything is such a mess. my head is so messed up. such a messed up dream. such a messed up life.

just a dream or a reflection of reality?

confidence

how do you do things right...? i'm not sure. doing things right was never my forte. screwing up however, i'm really good at it. like what happened today at top table. i couldn't do the coffee machine at all... i was too afraid. afraid of imperfection, afraid of criticisms. i'm really sorry andrea... i'm not sure whether i was a disappointment but i really felt like a let down. i broke so many things and screwed up so much during the course of SSM. i'm worried about next week.i love being steward. because i am out of the reach of guests which leaves the rest of the group safe from a lousy grade. i don't want to screw up anymore but i still do no matter how i try. i really wished i had confidence. but i just wasn't born with it....

an arduous monotonous task
a never ending pile of repeat work behind the bar
my mechanical hands continued but
my head drifted away....
to a time not so long ago
events which took place, at least in the past 2 hours
vinegar on my shoes, broken pieces of a wine glass in the basin
chips off a coffee cup and shaker glass
what a way to start off your day

how they hit your morale so hard
till your head becomes too heavy to lift
but the day had just begun
you can't be a let down more than you already are
people are counting on you
a heavy head ain't no reason for disappointment
Buck up for goodness sakes!

it seemed wrong... but
my mind continued to drift further
to again a time not that long ago
but a little less recent
couple of things i messed up in my life
it began with
confusion, mixed feelings,
somehow.... curiosity, finally
broken hearts and chipped relationships

i watched my own movie in my head
where you were the lead
and you never knew of the director
the director couldn't have you smile at the camera though
but you were so carefree and smiling
preoccupied with your life
it didn't matter anymore
maybe they would call it a 'natural' take

then a thunderous voice struck me...
shakened back into reality
once again behind the bar
the glasses look so intimidating now
stop dreaming!
MOCKTAILS!

i changed my blog song again.

i have to write my cue cards for psychology and finish up my BESE. both due tomorrow. i'm not done with inserting video clips into the powerpoint, i'm not done editing my part of the powerpoint even. i really wrote too much for the reflection,if anyone needs a sample, here, www.beseforlife.blogspot.com it ain't that good, but if u need a guideline. this is mine. hahaha!

i miss the way it had been, i hate the silence. if only life could give me another shot at this. if we could start over. i promise i won't screw this friendship up. do you feel the same too?

i think this song kinda describes how i am now.

'and i can't fight this feeling anymore..... i've forgotten what i started fighting for...'

but i would fight this feeling if i have to but.... it's too late.

alone somewhere is probably better for me

studying is a chore. unsure of what really effectively works. i guess it's better to coop myself up somewhere and study alone. without disturbances and distractions all around. i guess that is the ideal environment to really get information into your brain.

the boy with many hearts

the boy with many hearts
had many loves
but he wonders which ones were true
there were afew
or was there just one?
he wasn't sure

the boy with many hearts
was always confused
deep in thoughts wondering about
the creatures from venus
they were so mean
breaking so many of his hearts

the boy with many hearts
had a box
remnants,
broken pieces of hearts
mysteriously becoming heavier
everytime it is opened

the boy with many hearts
had another box
where the unbroken hearts are
waiting to be shattered
just like the rest
by the venus-ians

the boy with many hearts
really only needs one
doesn't harm to have spares
right?

the boy with many hearts
is not me...


it's REALLY not me. it is part of the text though. this part is not. only the part in italics. this sorta thing keeps me going and thinking ya know. if it's ain't good forgive me. but i need these kinda stuff to motivate me. i enjoy doing it i realised. hahaha!

The fun of reading poems is that you can have a million interpretations of it and no one can say that you are wrong. but i would call this a text, not yet a poem.

BESE Portfolio

BESE portfolio cheong! i'm side tracking abit from my work to do a little of blogging! i've learnt something today, i've been thinking and i realised that being sad and shying away from the crowd is just simply disadvantaging myself. why should i be the one being sad? and i can't find any reason why should i be. when there's no reason to be, why should i when it's making me feel freakin miserable.

BUFFET!

today went to andy's 'house' to have buffet. it's actually a condo unit which his parents are renting out. it's called Caribbean and is rather near vivo city, within walking distance, since we walked. the condominium is huge. bigger than many i've been to before. very nice, i shall upload some pictures today. today was quite enjoyable.

in the morning i watched 'Titanic'. i watched half of it last night but decided to sleep and continue today because i was tired. the cost of the movie exceeds the cost of building the titanic itself when converted to current currency levels. interesting. 200 million was the cost of the film and 150 million estimated was about the cost of the titanic. it's a really heartwrenching movie, seeing how many had died in the disaster because of inadequate evacuation measures taken. damned iceberg.

met sherlyn, don and lian mei in the mrt. sherlyn got on from tampines while me, don and lian mei hopped on at bedok. then it was all food and fun at andy's condo, hahaha! esther practised guitar during the time at andy's place. she's learning 'always be my baby' for her boyfriend's birthday which is 2 weeks away. i think her boyfriend is really lucky.

here are the pictures.

when they said a sincere apology works wonders
they were lying
because i am sick of saying them
because they don't work

when they said 'always put self before others'
they were bullshitting
because who's going to do the same for you?
because maybe no one listens to them except you

when they said to find the root of the problem and solve it
it was utter crap
because what happens when you can't find the root?
because what if the problem was out of your locus of control?
what do you do if you aren't even sure a problem exists?

when they said love is a gift,
they were wrong
because it is a double edged sword of destruction
because you end up killing yourself and implicating others
and losing what you possessed

but when they said men are from mars and women are from venus
they were right
because i don't seem to understand them at all
perhaps i'm just too dumb
or perhaps i come from somewhere further than mars.....

end of the 3-day frenzy

had psychology test this morning, couldn't finish a question i skipped in the beginning. but it was ABOUT finished, but still it wasn't. and i'm still unsure about the answers i gave. it was the first time i had a aching shoulders after a test. lecture seats plus two books on my table, flipping the pages frantically looking for the answers. maybe that was the reason why i couldn't finish my test.

went to watch the mummy: curse of the dragon emperor at GV tampines mall. with quan hao, kher meng, SC and pu yuan. the queue as usual on a weekend, was really long and lined all the way to infront of Ajisen Ramen. lucky, there was something called an AXS machine. so we skipped the queues and bought the tickets with it. thanks to SC who paid for the tickets and we paid him. My review of the movie. the plot was okay. but the portrayal of it wasn't that impressive. i believe the previous 'the mummy' movies were much better even though i don't remember much of it. i was quite surprised when i heard about the dragon emperor thing. in my mind, my perception of 'mummies' were Egyptian mummies. but i guess they can be considered mummies too being petrified and all. the movie wasn't really entertaining to me.

next movie to watch! money not enough 2!

i don't understand anything. i really don't. hahaha!

The one you love - Glenn Frey

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

almost end of the 3-day frenzy

BESE, PT2, and psycho test all in a row, 2 have been completed, though i definitely wouldn't say i am confident at all for them. look on the bright side dennis, they're over. just one more open-book test to go. you're damn lucky it's open-book otherwise you'll be dead. ya better go read through the text at least once later.

today is really weird, i had 3 calls of nature, one in the morning before i went ssm and iwas damn happy because i thought i wouldn't have to rush to the toilet later during operations. but sadly, during operations i cheong to the toilet. not really during operations but after operations during closing time. when i went home i cheong to the toilet again. i believe i'm going to have to go the toilet again soon. i don't even have diarrhoea sia. my body abit siao today.

top table today was okay. i was labelled as having a good life today while my captain miao hong did most of the stuff. don't really understand, i was always walking around looking for stuff to do. i admit, i sucked in the beginning because i didn't know the menu at all, but i tried to learn it in the shortest time possible. but as you know, i am slow. i had pt 2 in the morning for goodness sakes. ahh forget it. they're excuses. but i really didn't know how i could have done more stuff. i hate waitering, i'm glad it's over. fuck it. 2 more sessions and to hell with ssm.

in the coolness of the night
your indifference struck
like the sudden bright resonance
of the ice-cream man's instrument of choice
to signal a cold delightful treat
which brings warmth to the hearts of little kids
cold... but warm.

then again... everything
just died.

no more bese, left pt 2 and psycho quiz

alright, i've screw bese, now time for pt 2 and psycho quiz! i really have to continue memorising pt 2, i hate memorising...

i want to reverse time... it didn't used to be this way... i miss the way it was...

it doesn't hurt anymore, only the feeling of longingness remains

no more heartaches
no more tears
just hoping for your smile
a little enthusiasm
like how you were
i hope i'm a friend

what an inappropriate time to be blogging, hahaha! i feel i'm repeating myself over and over and over again, but a blog is for ya express what ya feel at the moment in time right? these words don't have to make sense. like how some songs don't make sense at all. hahaha!

do you know?
you didn't seem so special before
standing along the aisle with a frown
who would've known
you could be so close

do you know?
you're really very pretty
especially when you smile!
who would've known
you could be so beautiful

do you know?
you're stuck in my head
i can't get you out
who would've known
you could be so persistent in my head

do you know?
i always want to know
how you feel all the time
who would've known
you could be so brittle inside

now i know,
you're in love too
such a lucky soul he is
who would've known
you could love too

now i know,
you're beyond the reaches
of all i will ever be
who would've known
you could be so far away

now i know
it's not all about me
when hearts are involved
who would've known
i could be the loser in this game called love

i think you're right

after some thought, i think you're really right. i think there really needs to be a distance drawn. whether it is for the good of you or me. this just ain't supposed to happen at all. i should've stayed away before i submerged myself into this mess. now i got ya into the mess too. sorry. though it's really hard, i will try to establish the distance that both you and i need.

bese tomorrow, pt 2 on friday and psycho on saturday

so much things to do, so little time. blame myself for starting late. i want to sleep and not do anything, self discipline!! no sleeping until tonight!! no afternoon nap!! hahaha!

i know what went wrong now... thank you sarah. to someone i pissed off: sincerely, i'm sorry.

a barrier created by no one by yourself
dennis, you fool
can't you feel the love which surrounds you
surfing around you in sparking trickles
open your eyes, take a closer look
can you see them now?
beautiful aren't they?
you should be ashamed of yourself
for not realising earlier....

'and i am...'

random pictures i failed to post in time

mr goh being in the picture was not planned


i think this picture this nice except for the head.....


phoebe's bday cake last wednesday!





at stone grill at katong!



from the bus



from the bus too, hahaha!

hahaha!

the pickup chart reminds me of you, hahaha!

wonder why it always turns out this way, time to move on again. time will once again repair. time to forget again.

this is life

there're 2 songs playing, one after another, both by the Eagles. 'i don't want to hear anymore', then 'waiting in the weeds', i've posted the lyrics here!


"Waiting In The Weeds"

It's comin' on the end of August
Another summer's promise almost gone
And though I heard some wise man say
That every dog will have his day
He never mentioned that these dog days get so long

I don't know when I realized the dream was over
Well, there was no particular hour, no given day
You know, it didn't go down in flame
There was no final scene, no frozen frame
I just watched it slowly fade away

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for my time to come around again and
Hope is floating on the breeze
Carrying my soul high up above the ground and
I've been keepin' to myself
Knowin' that the seasons are slowly changing
Even though you're with somebody else
He'll never love you like I do

I've been biding time with the crows and sparrows
While peacocks prance and strut upon the stage
If finding love is just a dance
Proximity and chance
You will excuse me if I skip the masquerade

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the dust to settle down along the
Back roads running through the fields
Lying on the outskirts of this lonesome town
And I imagine sunlight in your hair
You're at the county fair

You're holding hands and laughing
And now the ferris wheel has stopped
You're swinging on the top
Suspended there with him

And he's the darling of the chic
The flavor of the week is melting
Down your pretty summer dress
Baby, what a mess you're making

I've been stumbling through some dark places
Now I'm following the plow
I know I've fallen out of your good graces
It's alright now

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the summer rain to fall upon the
Wild birds scattering the seeds
Answering the calling of the tide's eternal tune
The phases of the moon
The chambers of the heart
The egg and dart of small gray
Spiders spinning in the dark
In spite of all the times the web is torn apart

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the time to come around again and
Hope is floating on the breeze
Carrying my soul high up above the ground and
I've been keeping to myself
Knowing that the seasons are slowly changing
Even though you're with somebody else
He'll never love you like I do

i really hate blogging about my everyday life now, it's just so too damn boring. but i have nothing else to say. alright so today was quite a bad day. i was waiter at top table.i got scolded by mr goh even before operations started. while walking to tca, i hung the apron over my neck without tying it, so walking past the entrance, mr goh saw me then i got scolded.................... then another bad thing which happened today, i served main course to a table which haven't even had their appetiser. malu like shit. i think mr sim wanted to kill me just now. hai.... then just now on the bus, i leaned on the side of the bus. my head knocked against the hammer which is used to break the glass incase of an emergency. then got the 'tee teee tee' sound, i faster put it back, luckily most of the passengers weren't paying attention. nevertheless, it was quite embarrassing.

of course it is honourable fighting for what you want. if you die, you will die a glorified death. but what if you already know the ending to the battle, and you will die. what is the point of dying with a glorified death when you won't live to enjoy it? but of course, if you don't fight you will be regarded as a coward who won't fight for what he/she believes in.

backing out

i choose to back down
because it has never worked
call me a coward
call me unambitious
but i know my limits

your judgement had long been passed
i choose not fight
because it is true
i believe you are right
i believe i am wrong
but i don't want this

i admire your courage
i choose not to question it
because it is what you want
if it makes you happy
if it is fine with you
then i think i'm fine too

i choose to cower
because he is there
i believe he keeps promises
i believe he'll hold your hand
so i'm letting go, backing out
without a fight
no more pressure

i don't want to hear anymore - The Eagles

It's not the first time
That I've had the sense that something's wrong
But I'm old enough to know
That things don't always work out like they should
I know you're tryin' hard
To break it gently to me, now
But there's no easy way
To tell it like it is, so baby...

I don't want to hear any more
You don't need to tell me it's over
I've been here before

I've seen that look before
I know it well; it comes as no surprise
You've been avoiding me
But now you want to talk it over
Before you take my hand
And tell me softly in a whisper
There's no need to explain
I've read the book; I know how this all ends

I don't want to hear any more
You don't need to tell me it's over
I've been here before

I won't ask you to stay
I won't stand in your way
Look me right in the eyes
Let me walk away with my head high

If there's some other guy
I don't need to know why

But I don't want to hear any more
You don't need to tell me it's over
I've been here before

I won't ask you to stay
I won't stand in your way
And I don't want to hear any more
No, no, baby
I don't want to hear any more

i haven't touched my pickup chart, i'm waiter tomorrow, sian...... die. i still have no clue about the captain's order. better go look at it. wow, it's 12am already. so late, everytime ssm so late sleep. i wish there will be one night before ssm that i can sleep actually sleep before 10pm. hai.... no choice, been playing my guitar since i came home. i need time for my own too ya know. hahahaha! i guess this is the price for putting my own stuff on priority. the more important stuff get compromised then my sleep time gets compromised too.

if you can't beat them, join them

the girl who waits

the vow of love did it
that fateful night
now she waits
'will you come back for me?'
'i promise'
were the words spoken
of a boy and girl in love

the vow of love did it
and though hours lasted days
and days lasted months
she continues to wait...
clutching the words spoken
that night close to her heart
it was like the very words
kept her heart pumping
and going on..

the vow of love did it
broken hearts of boys in love
and teary eyes of a pretty little girl
'believe the wait will be worth it'
were the voices in her head
and so she did
and still she does

and waiting for the ......... time

hahaha, inspiration for poems don't really come often, when they come, it's best to just stop whatever you're doing and just pen it down, thats what i realised ever since i started to get these things outta my brain. kinda lame. but it's fun to see what you can do with an hour and some brain juice. everyone should do it.

it feels really uncomfortable. typing like that i mean. with the table so far away from my bed. my laptop's gonna live up to its name and lie on my lap when i type today while i lean back on my bolster against the wall. psychology today was a torture to attend. i liked the other lecturer better, he was much more interesting. this guy... really boring. comparable to mr leong our accounting lecturer. 2 boring lectures in a row. i couldn't take it during psychology lecture and slept for awhile. the first time i slept in a lecture this semester. couldn't help it. was really tired.

seal it in a black box and keep it deep inside you, when you crash and explode, thats when it'll really matter

does anybody pay attention to the song i upload on my blog? because, i really want y'all to listen to them, hahaha...


To Love Somebody

Theres a light
A certain kind of light
That never shone on me
I want my life to be lived with you
Lived with you
Theres a way everybody say
To do each and every little thing
But what does it bring
If I aint got you, aint got ?
You dont know what its like, baby
You dont know what its like

To love somebody
To love somebody
To love somebody
The way I love you

In my brain
I see your face again
I know my frame of mind
You aint got to be so blind
And Im blind, so very blind
Im a man, cant you see
What I am
I live and breathe for you
But what good does it do
If I aint got you, aint got ?

travel geog sucks

your friend, my honour

such a complicated thing
i mean Love
humans yearn for it so much
yet
receiving from the wrong person
would actually be undesirable

such a complicated thing
i mean Love
humans yearn for it so much
yet
receiving from the right person
could actually hurt

such a complicated thing
i mean Love
an unending bond they would say
yet
could actually destroy
the very bonds it served to connect

such a complicated thing
i mean Love
with it, does friendship not exist?

Why, Love
you look nothing more than a word
In your plans, do you hold nothing more
than just destruction for me?
if that is the case,
i would never have sought you out.

once again, what are you so afraid of.

trust me when i say i only want to be your friend

tell me its not another mistake

Goodbye - Air Supply

Here are the lyrics to song, take some time, wait for the song to load and listen to it before you leave. it's worth it.



I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me


I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye


You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

from bert's blog which inturn came from quanhao's blog, i think

...

because wanting more only causes pain
build your life upon contentment
that is the only thing you can do

desire more, take a gamble and lose everything you have
your life is fine as it is
there is nothing you need

but you were happy
until love took over you
'would it have been better if it never happened?'

pack your things and leave your emotions behind
that is the only thing you can do right now
maybe you'll be happier

heartaches are signs of weaknesses
'quick! cover them up!'
it will heal, they will go away

just wait.