alone somewhere is probably better for me

studying is a chore. unsure of what really effectively works. i guess it's better to coop myself up somewhere and study alone. without disturbances and distractions all around. i guess that is the ideal environment to really get information into your brain.

the boy with many hearts

the boy with many hearts
had many loves
but he wonders which ones were true
there were afew
or was there just one?
he wasn't sure

the boy with many hearts
was always confused
deep in thoughts wondering about
the creatures from venus
they were so mean
breaking so many of his hearts

the boy with many hearts
had a box
remnants,
broken pieces of hearts
mysteriously becoming heavier
everytime it is opened

the boy with many hearts
had another box
where the unbroken hearts are
waiting to be shattered
just like the rest
by the venus-ians

the boy with many hearts
really only needs one
doesn't harm to have spares
right?

the boy with many hearts
is not me...


it's REALLY not me. it is part of the text though. this part is not. only the part in italics. this sorta thing keeps me going and thinking ya know. if it's ain't good forgive me. but i need these kinda stuff to motivate me. i enjoy doing it i realised. hahaha!

The fun of reading poems is that you can have a million interpretations of it and no one can say that you are wrong. but i would call this a text, not yet a poem.

BESE Portfolio

BESE portfolio cheong! i'm side tracking abit from my work to do a little of blogging! i've learnt something today, i've been thinking and i realised that being sad and shying away from the crowd is just simply disadvantaging myself. why should i be the one being sad? and i can't find any reason why should i be. when there's no reason to be, why should i when it's making me feel freakin miserable.

BUFFET!

today went to andy's 'house' to have buffet. it's actually a condo unit which his parents are renting out. it's called Caribbean and is rather near vivo city, within walking distance, since we walked. the condominium is huge. bigger than many i've been to before. very nice, i shall upload some pictures today. today was quite enjoyable.

in the morning i watched 'Titanic'. i watched half of it last night but decided to sleep and continue today because i was tired. the cost of the movie exceeds the cost of building the titanic itself when converted to current currency levels. interesting. 200 million was the cost of the film and 150 million estimated was about the cost of the titanic. it's a really heartwrenching movie, seeing how many had died in the disaster because of inadequate evacuation measures taken. damned iceberg.

met sherlyn, don and lian mei in the mrt. sherlyn got on from tampines while me, don and lian mei hopped on at bedok. then it was all food and fun at andy's condo, hahaha! esther practised guitar during the time at andy's place. she's learning 'always be my baby' for her boyfriend's birthday which is 2 weeks away. i think her boyfriend is really lucky.

here are the pictures.

when they said a sincere apology works wonders
they were lying
because i am sick of saying them
because they don't work

when they said 'always put self before others'
they were bullshitting
because who's going to do the same for you?
because maybe no one listens to them except you

when they said to find the root of the problem and solve it
it was utter crap
because what happens when you can't find the root?
because what if the problem was out of your locus of control?
what do you do if you aren't even sure a problem exists?

when they said love is a gift,
they were wrong
because it is a double edged sword of destruction
because you end up killing yourself and implicating others
and losing what you possessed

but when they said men are from mars and women are from venus
they were right
because i don't seem to understand them at all
perhaps i'm just too dumb
or perhaps i come from somewhere further than mars.....

end of the 3-day frenzy

had psychology test this morning, couldn't finish a question i skipped in the beginning. but it was ABOUT finished, but still it wasn't. and i'm still unsure about the answers i gave. it was the first time i had a aching shoulders after a test. lecture seats plus two books on my table, flipping the pages frantically looking for the answers. maybe that was the reason why i couldn't finish my test.

went to watch the mummy: curse of the dragon emperor at GV tampines mall. with quan hao, kher meng, SC and pu yuan. the queue as usual on a weekend, was really long and lined all the way to infront of Ajisen Ramen. lucky, there was something called an AXS machine. so we skipped the queues and bought the tickets with it. thanks to SC who paid for the tickets and we paid him. My review of the movie. the plot was okay. but the portrayal of it wasn't that impressive. i believe the previous 'the mummy' movies were much better even though i don't remember much of it. i was quite surprised when i heard about the dragon emperor thing. in my mind, my perception of 'mummies' were Egyptian mummies. but i guess they can be considered mummies too being petrified and all. the movie wasn't really entertaining to me.

next movie to watch! money not enough 2!

i don't understand anything. i really don't. hahaha!

The one you love - Glenn Frey

I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy who left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

What you gonna say when he comes over?
There's no easy way to see this through
All the broken dreams, all the disappointment
Oh girl, what you gonna do?
Your heart keeps sayin' it's just not fair
But still you gotta make up your mind

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above

almost end of the 3-day frenzy

BESE, PT2, and psycho test all in a row, 2 have been completed, though i definitely wouldn't say i am confident at all for them. look on the bright side dennis, they're over. just one more open-book test to go. you're damn lucky it's open-book otherwise you'll be dead. ya better go read through the text at least once later.

today is really weird, i had 3 calls of nature, one in the morning before i went ssm and iwas damn happy because i thought i wouldn't have to rush to the toilet later during operations. but sadly, during operations i cheong to the toilet. not really during operations but after operations during closing time. when i went home i cheong to the toilet again. i believe i'm going to have to go the toilet again soon. i don't even have diarrhoea sia. my body abit siao today.

top table today was okay. i was labelled as having a good life today while my captain miao hong did most of the stuff. don't really understand, i was always walking around looking for stuff to do. i admit, i sucked in the beginning because i didn't know the menu at all, but i tried to learn it in the shortest time possible. but as you know, i am slow. i had pt 2 in the morning for goodness sakes. ahh forget it. they're excuses. but i really didn't know how i could have done more stuff. i hate waitering, i'm glad it's over. fuck it. 2 more sessions and to hell with ssm.

in the coolness of the night
your indifference struck
like the sudden bright resonance
of the ice-cream man's instrument of choice
to signal a cold delightful treat
which brings warmth to the hearts of little kids
cold... but warm.

then again... everything
just died.

no more bese, left pt 2 and psycho quiz

alright, i've screw bese, now time for pt 2 and psycho quiz! i really have to continue memorising pt 2, i hate memorising...

i want to reverse time... it didn't used to be this way... i miss the way it was...

it doesn't hurt anymore, only the feeling of longingness remains

no more heartaches
no more tears
just hoping for your smile
a little enthusiasm
like how you were
i hope i'm a friend

what an inappropriate time to be blogging, hahaha! i feel i'm repeating myself over and over and over again, but a blog is for ya express what ya feel at the moment in time right? these words don't have to make sense. like how some songs don't make sense at all. hahaha!

do you know?
you didn't seem so special before
standing along the aisle with a frown
who would've known
you could be so close

do you know?
you're really very pretty
especially when you smile!
who would've known
you could be so beautiful

do you know?
you're stuck in my head
i can't get you out
who would've known
you could be so persistent in my head

do you know?
i always want to know
how you feel all the time
who would've known
you could be so brittle inside

now i know,
you're in love too
such a lucky soul he is
who would've known
you could love too

now i know,
you're beyond the reaches
of all i will ever be
who would've known
you could be so far away

now i know
it's not all about me
when hearts are involved
who would've known
i could be the loser in this game called love

i think you're right

after some thought, i think you're really right. i think there really needs to be a distance drawn. whether it is for the good of you or me. this just ain't supposed to happen at all. i should've stayed away before i submerged myself into this mess. now i got ya into the mess too. sorry. though it's really hard, i will try to establish the distance that both you and i need.

bese tomorrow, pt 2 on friday and psycho on saturday

so much things to do, so little time. blame myself for starting late. i want to sleep and not do anything, self discipline!! no sleeping until tonight!! no afternoon nap!! hahaha!

i know what went wrong now... thank you sarah. to someone i pissed off: sincerely, i'm sorry.

a barrier created by no one by yourself
dennis, you fool
can't you feel the love which surrounds you
surfing around you in sparking trickles
open your eyes, take a closer look
can you see them now?
beautiful aren't they?
you should be ashamed of yourself
for not realising earlier....

'and i am...'

random pictures i failed to post in time

mr goh being in the picture was not planned


i think this picture this nice except for the head.....


phoebe's bday cake last wednesday!





at stone grill at katong!



from the bus



from the bus too, hahaha!

hahaha!

the pickup chart reminds me of you, hahaha!

wonder why it always turns out this way, time to move on again. time will once again repair. time to forget again.

this is life

there're 2 songs playing, one after another, both by the Eagles. 'i don't want to hear anymore', then 'waiting in the weeds', i've posted the lyrics here!


"Waiting In The Weeds"

It's comin' on the end of August
Another summer's promise almost gone
And though I heard some wise man say
That every dog will have his day
He never mentioned that these dog days get so long

I don't know when I realized the dream was over
Well, there was no particular hour, no given day
You know, it didn't go down in flame
There was no final scene, no frozen frame
I just watched it slowly fade away

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for my time to come around again and
Hope is floating on the breeze
Carrying my soul high up above the ground and
I've been keepin' to myself
Knowin' that the seasons are slowly changing
Even though you're with somebody else
He'll never love you like I do

I've been biding time with the crows and sparrows
While peacocks prance and strut upon the stage
If finding love is just a dance
Proximity and chance
You will excuse me if I skip the masquerade

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the dust to settle down along the
Back roads running through the fields
Lying on the outskirts of this lonesome town
And I imagine sunlight in your hair
You're at the county fair

You're holding hands and laughing
And now the ferris wheel has stopped
You're swinging on the top
Suspended there with him

And he's the darling of the chic
The flavor of the week is melting
Down your pretty summer dress
Baby, what a mess you're making

I've been stumbling through some dark places
Now I'm following the plow
I know I've fallen out of your good graces
It's alright now

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the summer rain to fall upon the
Wild birds scattering the seeds
Answering the calling of the tide's eternal tune
The phases of the moon
The chambers of the heart
The egg and dart of small gray
Spiders spinning in the dark
In spite of all the times the web is torn apart

And I've been waiting in the weeds
Waiting for the time to come around again and
Hope is floating on the breeze
Carrying my soul high up above the ground and
I've been keeping to myself
Knowing that the seasons are slowly changing
Even though you're with somebody else
He'll never love you like I do

i really hate blogging about my everyday life now, it's just so too damn boring. but i have nothing else to say. alright so today was quite a bad day. i was waiter at top table.i got scolded by mr goh even before operations started. while walking to tca, i hung the apron over my neck without tying it, so walking past the entrance, mr goh saw me then i got scolded.................... then another bad thing which happened today, i served main course to a table which haven't even had their appetiser. malu like shit. i think mr sim wanted to kill me just now. hai.... then just now on the bus, i leaned on the side of the bus. my head knocked against the hammer which is used to break the glass incase of an emergency. then got the 'tee teee tee' sound, i faster put it back, luckily most of the passengers weren't paying attention. nevertheless, it was quite embarrassing.

of course it is honourable fighting for what you want. if you die, you will die a glorified death. but what if you already know the ending to the battle, and you will die. what is the point of dying with a glorified death when you won't live to enjoy it? but of course, if you don't fight you will be regarded as a coward who won't fight for what he/she believes in.

backing out

i choose to back down
because it has never worked
call me a coward
call me unambitious
but i know my limits

your judgement had long been passed
i choose not fight
because it is true
i believe you are right
i believe i am wrong
but i don't want this

i admire your courage
i choose not to question it
because it is what you want
if it makes you happy
if it is fine with you
then i think i'm fine too

i choose to cower
because he is there
i believe he keeps promises
i believe he'll hold your hand
so i'm letting go, backing out
without a fight
no more pressure

i don't want to hear anymore - The Eagles

It's not the first time
That I've had the sense that something's wrong
But I'm old enough to know
That things don't always work out like they should
I know you're tryin' hard
To break it gently to me, now
But there's no easy way
To tell it like it is, so baby...

I don't want to hear any more
You don't need to tell me it's over
I've been here before

I've seen that look before
I know it well; it comes as no surprise
You've been avoiding me
But now you want to talk it over
Before you take my hand
And tell me softly in a whisper
There's no need to explain
I've read the book; I know how this all ends

I don't want to hear any more
You don't need to tell me it's over
I've been here before

I won't ask you to stay
I won't stand in your way
Look me right in the eyes
Let me walk away with my head high

If there's some other guy
I don't need to know why

But I don't want to hear any more
You don't need to tell me it's over
I've been here before

I won't ask you to stay
I won't stand in your way
And I don't want to hear any more
No, no, baby
I don't want to hear any more

i haven't touched my pickup chart, i'm waiter tomorrow, sian...... die. i still have no clue about the captain's order. better go look at it. wow, it's 12am already. so late, everytime ssm so late sleep. i wish there will be one night before ssm that i can sleep actually sleep before 10pm. hai.... no choice, been playing my guitar since i came home. i need time for my own too ya know. hahahaha! i guess this is the price for putting my own stuff on priority. the more important stuff get compromised then my sleep time gets compromised too.

if you can't beat them, join them