finally. end of F1.

if anyone wanted to know. the panadol worked yesterday! fortunately.

the first day of F1 was seriously i think the worst day of them all. i couldn't sleep the night before and during about 8pm i felt a little dizzy. everything and everyone were just spinning around me as i stood still for a few seconds somewhere in the room out of the way of anyone but then i knew i had to move. i was in a complete state of blur-ness. i hate that kind of feeling of being able to process everything that is going on around u properly. especially in the middle of work, because it spells disasters. perhaps it was fatigue, it made me wonder how everyone was moving, how they were feeling and what they were thinking because at that moment i couldn't understanding how i was feeling so tired and faint. but fortunately i managed to pull through with that blur-ness for the rest of the night. u could have called me a walking zombie. i was plain following instructions from my guests, my captains and fellow staff during that period of time. i worked OT though i was really really tired because winnie and chris were so motivated to continue working. and i felt bad for not leaving early with daphne because she was the only one who was not doing OT. sorry!!!!!

after 5 hours lying in bed, time to go to work again. i decided the second day i would not stay for overtime. in the end i still stayed. know why? not because i wanted to stay. because they forgot to inform me to leave the place! in the end i blur blur continue working until 10.30pm when i was suppose to stop at 9pm. then well... i guess i didn't have any choice so i continued. but it wasn't as bad as the first day because i was able to get some rest the last night but still, i woke up feeling sick but it got better as the day progressed.

day three. the previous post was published in the morning of the day itself. but it wasn't that bad. i must say i was elated when people started leaving the premises after the f1 race ended! only some people stayed to socialise and watch the after-race interview with the racers. took a cab home after work and got a can of beer to drink on the way home for a mini mini celebration.

friends i made through this event! jeremiah! winnie and chris! our captain: juliana! Aik Boon, from meritus mandarin banquet. and a couple of people from RP although i only have one of their contacts. hahahaha! i guess i'm not a very sociable person eh?

well. finally it's over. 3 nights of aching soles and walking like a noob because of that.

today is hell

cold sweat, headache, leg hurts, flu, 10 hours of sleep in 2 days and one more day (18 hours) to go. fuck it. i'm dead.

save me panadol.

5.41am

i think i'm STILL trying to get out of the night watcher life. i'm sleeping in the day and super active at night. i'm nocturnal. dammit. i think i should really force myself awake in the day and force sleep myself at night. KAYHOWE GIVE ME SOME OF UR SLEEPING AIDS!!! I NEED THEM!! damn i'm just afraid i'll be tired for the rest of the day. today's the F1 job!!! argh. wish me luck!

anyways, bert's suggesting i switch over to wordpress. i created one already but haven really start on it. but i bet u can guess the url of the blog. still considering whether to switch over, i guess i'll decide by the end of next week.

i woke up

time is 5.43am and i'm already awake. i wish i could go back to sleep. but i can't. i woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep after that. i think i went to bed at 1am last night. that means i only bloody slept 3 hours!! wtf? i don't understand why i cant get to sleep!! damn. anyway, i'm going lavendar in the afternoon today to collect my pay 350 bucks for 7 sleepless nights and sleepy daylights. i'm gonna go get my speakers!! muahaha! finally. no more buzzing speakers! no more stupid laptop lousy sound! hahaha! i'm freakin bored, i think i'll go play some games or something, maybe i'll get tired after playing for awhile. i spent too much recently as always. last night went buffet. damn.. 29 dollars. argh. i'm gonna find 1 more job after F1! probably an event job to make somemore money. next semester is going to be fucking expensive. i'm going out of the country with alvin, andrew and ngiafung at the end of the year too. they blamed me for not going with them last year to HK. hahaha! sorrry lah had no money. hahaha!

i think i'm gonna have to beg them to go somewhere cheaper. hahaha!

i wish it would rain

i wish it would rain heavy
a thunderstorm would be nice
the deafening rages of the sky
drowning my ears in a vacuum
stealthing me
i'm there but you will not see me
the rain is my barrier
within it is my freedom
you are there but i will not see you
the rain blinds me
and it is your freedom
please rain....

3rd night at work

today don came to accompany me, he gave me some moon tarts which taste really good. it would have cost 80 dollars if it was bought during the moon cake festival season at his booth at novena square. and i got it for free!! well.. but today something unlucky happened too. i held a mouthful of spoilt nutrisoy in my mouth for 10 seconds. don helped me look after the place while i went to pee and get some drinks, i decided i should get some soya bean milk, so i bought the usual reduced sugar nutrisoy. i only drank it after i reached the event place, the first mouth i took, wtf. the texture of the liquid felt freakin disgusting. slimy, thick and and a little granulated. i ran to look for a dustbin to spit it out. i poured some of the liquid on some of the soil nearby, tmd. the liquid came out in blobs! wtf. i went back to change for another carton. ddammit, i'm not going to buy nutrisoy anymore. tmd tmd tmd. fucking fucking fucking disgusting.

then it came to my mind, i walked past a puddle of white liquid and a you tiao on the ground. and what goes well with you tiao? soya bean milk. so why pour it on the ground? because it's not fit for drinking.

A fairytail.

when the pain is gone
longingness is all that remains
staring out by the window
into the boundless fields

beyond her eyes
a tiny silhouette upon the skyline
closer and closer
louder and louder

clad in polished armour
and a handsome horse
he asks for her hand
she blushes and looks away

the poor farmer looks on
his browned clothes of open windows
and his good ol' loyal donkey
whimpers as if understanding his tears

beyond his eyes
a blurred fairytail movie
where the girl
finally rides off with her prince
to a happy ending

disappearing slowly into the distance
aggravating his pain
then gone
no movie nor pain

when the pain is gone
longingness is all that remains
staring out by the window
into the boundless fields

2nd night of work (now)

i'm on my laptop sitting in on a stage in the middle of a small clearing at bedok interchange. cool eh, everyone who walks past will be looking at ya. sense the sarcasm? been playing warcraft for the past few hours since like 12am? this place is totally empty except for afew people who drop by to patronise the ATMs nearby. stupid job. no toilet breaks, alone. somehow i don really feel afraid here at all. oh yeah, i didn't mention yesterday some malay boys walked by and they kept calling me uncle. like 5 times in 1 minute; the time which they passed by me. i believe i don't look that old. uncles normally are 30+ right? i'm only 18!! dammit.

i hate this love.

first night of work

it's a stupid job. people told me to reject it but i didn't listen, i went with it. well. it really is stupid and i better shit before i go to work tonight. i am night watcher dennis and i guard event equipments. 50 dollars for a night. i think i'm damn stupid. i have to endure for another 7 days. it's really bloody boring. i'm bring my laptop tonight, i hope there's an internet connection there if not i really gonna die. i finally finished 'A thousand splendid suns' by khaled hosseini which i borrowed from albert. finally i can return the book to him, hahaha! lucky for me, last night kayhowe came with supper! wanton mee and carrot cake! AND................. JOLLY SHANDY!!! and mentos and bread. hahaha! he was with me for around 3 or 4 hours i think, hell. after he left i was just reading my book, cheonging like siao. never cheonged a book until so heong before. after i finished the book i listened to my mp3 and walked around. seriously, i felt like a fool.

Hold me till the morning comes - Paul Anka and Peter Cetera

I know y'all probably hate my songs because they're old, but listen to this one! REALLY nice, never bluff sia! hahaha! Peter Cetera is the guy who used to be the lead singer of Chicago.. if u don't know Chicago is a band, and they were really good.

here are the lyrics!

Two broken hearts
Neither one knows what to say
Both falling for love
But not quite all the way

Look at us now
Reaching back to yesterday
Longing to know
If they are the ones to stay

After all I'm the one who said we're through
Now I can't live without anymore
Out there lost is the dream that can't come true
Is it worth the reaching for
Don't you want me anymore, darling

Hold me till the morning comes
Until I see your smile
Take all the sadness from your eyes
Hold me till the morning sun
Let me stay we've just begun

oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh

Where shall we start
Tender words that we can share
Different believes
In time we will get there

Look at us now
Wanting more than words can say
Both falling for love
But distant all the way

Out there lost are the words I still love you
But they worth the reaching for
Do you love me anymore, darling

(chorus)

Hold me till the morning comes
Until I see your smile
Take all the sadness from your eyes
Hold me till the morning sun
Let me stay we've just begun
I wanna stay with you

(instrumental)

(chorus)

Would you love me in the morning
We used to be there in the morning
Would you leave without a warning
Say you love me too

falling short

fixing his eyes on the moon
intently and planning his course
a lion stalking its prey under the crimson Sun
laying low and readying its razor sharp claws

his heart was dreaming of the stars;
the glory which awaits beyond the blanket of darkness
starving and salivating
the feast of raw bloody venison

fear of gravity
fear of death
loss of the lion's pride
starvation

through the air at the speed of sound
losing speed rapidly
a meeting of eyes
bodes an omen for failure

not fast enough
not light enough
too hungry
too tired

how near the moon seemed
minutes of pure falling
eating dust
and a desperate roar

jumping off the clouds
off to where he started
never a tiny hare looked so tempting
a tiny prey to keep him alive

where are the stars now?
what happened to more than survival?

oh fuck......

i've been on sneezing frenzies today. u know how i sneeze, i always hold back my sneezes and pinch my nose before it happens. because personally i don like sneezes which are excessively loud. during the recent few frenzies i felt an internal pain in my neck after each sneeze which would paralyze me for about 4 seconds. it ain't a sharp pain, it's those kinda pain which you would start spewing vulgarities but u can't move the affected part for a moment because it bloody hurts. but there's really nothing wrong with my neck. i don't know whether it's because of the way i sneeze. dammit, please don't let me sneeze again!!!!

longingness

my body is deep and hollow
talk is appreciated and much wanted
falling short
a feeling of incomplete overwhelms
and i know i need your presence

my love is strong but falters around its own existance
is it what it is?
nevertheless unwanted and obsolete
leave me
let us be like friends

my heart revolves around yours
quickly but with uncertain velocity
it has to cease;
a mindful choice indeed
but will the heart permit?

wait.

the decision to wait
whether willingly or unwillingly,
whether a lack of direction or the lack of courage to choose,
they are indications of an uncertain man
then, how does he know when to stop?

boring holidays

till something interesting happens in my life, there won't be much to blog about, recently i've just been guitaring and playing private server maplestory thats all. hahaha!

relax

i think i can make it through.

glad

everything's back to how they were before, and i'm contented. now its just keeping it this way

what i comprehend

lost loves are always heartbreaking
but rejoice for you have been released
from an emotion disguised as love
if this world has never told you;
you deserve much better
but love has never met a man or woman
who heard nothing of bitterness
take a deep breath
and breathe out your unspeakable-s
hard it seems but impossible it is not
dry your eyes and carry your broken heart
have faith it will all be better
because it will


for you.

drinking

drinking alcohol is kinda nice. i went out with a couple of buddies from primary school today. it's such a blessing to have them with me after so long. i had a drink with ngia fung after we dispersed because we lived just a block away from each other. we sat at the playground and drink and simply talked. it's kinda nice. when you feel dizzy, you just talk about whatever you like. i'm not drunk but i'm just feel that being dizzy makes the un-courageous more courageous about sensitive matters. and thats kinda nice, talking about those matters close to the heart which normally is a taboo. i feel dizzy now but kinda great. not really great but... i'm okay. hahaha!